Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Motherhood; Losing My Identity

Becoming a mother has been the most drastic lifestyle change I've ever experienced. I'm sure that's quite a common feeling amongst first time mothers. I don't get up at 7am for work anymore. I get up at 1am, and 3am, and 6am if I'm lucky. I don't get to eat my lunch on my own whilst browsing news sites and texting my sister about her hot boss (#lunchgoals). I eat when my son is done eating and has decided to have a nap. It's not all "woe is me" though. I get to lie in bed snuggling my baby whilst my poor husband heads off to work in the rain. I get to have Tuesday afternoon lunch dates on the riverside with old friends. I get to spend the afternoon shopping for baby clothes and drinking Starbucks. I get to go on morning walks with the buggy, even if it is to buy inhuman quantities of chocolate. I absolutely love motherhood, but it is totally and utterly all consuming.

Before I got pregnant I often thought about new mums and their lifestyles. It was terrifying to me that becoming a mum suddenly meant that every conversation would be about babies. These women had to diarize every social event and plan for every weekend away. They couldn't spend their mornings hungover eating pizza in bed. They attended "Toddle Tot" afternoons with other mums and talked about weaning and toilet training. They couldn't wear nice clothes because they'd be ruined by messy baby juices. I perceived these changes as such a loss of identity. Did they still have career ambitions and passions outside of their #mumlife? Did they have any parts of their personality that were left unaffected by motherhood?

Tuesday, 18 July 2017


"You should sterilise anything your baby might come into contact with. Including sofas and the neighbours cat". 
It's 4am. My baby is fussing. He's got a full tummy but he desperately wants some comfort. I want to sleep. I reach for his dummy. I drop his dummy. I watch his dummy drop onto the floor. I watch his dummy roll across the carpet. I don't know when I last hoovered. Was it last week? I pick the dummy up. I put the dummy in my mouth to remove carpet residue. I put the dummy in my babys mouth. AHHH, sweet sweet silence.

"You really should let your baby cry instead of comforting him whenever he makes a sound". 
Oh really? Yeah? Sorry, must dash, I think I just heard my baby murmur so I need to snuggle him for 3 hours and then watch him sleep for another hour. I love my baby. I want him to know that if he needs me I'm going to go to him. I'm gonna comfort him whenever he damn well asks for it Aunt Patricia.

Monday, 17 July 2017


I had a perfect pregnancy up until the last month. I had great test results the entire way along. I wasn't particularly sick in the first trimester and I didn't suffer with exhaustion in the way that I assumed I would. Some days it was tough to drag myself out of bed, but I don't think that's exclusive to being pregnant for me...

At 36 weeks pregnant (the start of the final month) I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes based on the results of a routine test with the midwife. The diagnosis really knocked me for six because I had been feeling really good and everything was progressing exactly as I wanted it to. I was called into the hospital to meet with the diabetes specialists and they gave me a blood glucose monitor. I had to prick my finger 6 times a day (before and after every meal) and perform a quick blood test on myself. The results were sent over to the hospital electronically and the team there would be able to monitor my blood sugar and immediately let me know if there was an issue. The main impact of the gestational diabetes would be the size of my baby. Babies whose mothers have GD are typically larger and born earlier than most other babies. The team started dropping hints that I would likely have the baby early.
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