Monday, 6 February 2017

A PREGNANT LADY PSA


So being pregnant does weird things to your body. You're sick, you're tired, you're sad, you're hyper, you don't want to leave the house, you don't want to tell anybody you're pregnant, you want someone to hug you, you want to punch the next person who talks to you. It's weird. Do you know what's weirder? PEOPLE DO NOT REACT APPROPRIATELY TOWARDS PREGNANT WOMEN AT ALL.

What is it with you guys? What about "I'm pregnant" turns you so mental? This is a pregnant lady PSA bitches.


DON'T TOUCH ME 
Do not touch me. Don't affectionately rub my belly, don't pat my back. If you didn't feel comfortable patting my KFC belly before I was pregnant then why would I want you touching it now it has a baby inside it? Also, if I'm like 3 months pregnant then the majority of my "belly" is literally still KFC. I don't have a bump. You're just rubbing me. It's horrible. Staaaaaaahp.

DON'T TELL ME I'M NOT ENTITLED TO FEEL LIKE SHIT 
"Umm it's like the size of a poppy seed and you can barely get off the sofa? SUREEEE". Let me tell you something 'lady who has never been through the first trimester'. I felt sick a week before my period was due. Feeling sick, tired and dizzy were the first cards that pregnancy dealt to me. I fainted in the first week of my pregnancy. My appetite completely disappeared (I KNOW!) and I was unable to eat a proper evening meal for 2 months. I lived off weird dry bits of toast and water. The shittiest part of pregnancy is the very first part, and feeling 'terrible' is the most common symptom of early pregnancy.

I DON'T WANT YOUR OPINION ON NATURAL BIRTHS OR VACCINATIONS
"I assume you'll want a natural birth?". Why, of all things holy, would I want a natural birth? I take paracetamol for the smallest headache. I put a plaster on my leg if I cut myself shaving. I'm not saying I'm going to pussy out and opt for an elective cesarean but if there are drugs to be had I want them all.  Gas and air? Yeah. Epidural? I'm definitely up for that. Gimme everything you've got. I'm going to be proud of myself either way. Also, preaching to me about vaccinations or water births or breastfeeding is a waste of your breath. The vaccinations are happening. I don't need you to tell me about your cousin who vaccinated her kids and now they're in prison.

I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU MY BABY NAMES
I don't have a name yet. Not one that we've decided on 100%. I don't want to tell you the names I like and the names I don't like. I'll announce the name when he's born, when you're less likely to shout "Ew no that's terrible" to my face. I'm such a bore, I know- you've told me 900 times.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR LABOUR HORROR STORIES 
Everybody has a terrifying birth story in their repertoire, and since I announced I was pregnant I've heard about 40 of them along with advice like "So basically if you have gas and air you'll end up paralyzed like my mate". Oh! Cool! Thank you SO MUCH! Luckily, I have some truly gorgeous mummy friends who have been supportive and nothing but lovely. I've had loads of helpful advice and tips, and a lot of adorable birth stories. I think any birth story ending in "And then she died" should automatically be something that you aren't allowed to tell a pregnant lady. Believe it or not, these arseholes are out there and they have a fucking story for you.


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Thursday, 2 February 2017

COMING OUT OF THE PREGNANCY CLOSET


Tomorrow I'm going for my 20 week scan. 20 WEEKS. Never has the phrase "whirlwind of emotions" been so prevalent in my life. We found out we were pregnant on the 14th of October 2016, although I was pretty sure I was pregnant during the week beforehand. We were in America doing the West Coast Drive and I'd been feeling pretty dizzy and sick for a few days. As my husband is fully aware I am always right about everything; we found out we were pregnant minutes after getting back to the house.

The first couple of months were hard. The hardest part was the secrecy. I would definitely consider myself a private person but I don't often have "secrets" to keep from my friends. It's quite difficult to transition from 'SEE YOU IN REVS I'LL HAVE A PINOT' to 'I fancy going for dinner instead?' without raising any suspicions so I felt a bit like I was putting a wall around myself (no Trump jokes please). It was a pretty lonely few months. Things have definitely improved now that I'm out of the 'Pregnancy Closet', I absolutely love being pregnant and I already know that I'm going to miss it when the baby comes.

I struggled with morning sickness in the first 3 months but I had the evening version, so it hit me every single day between 5pm and 8pm. Driving home from work became a bit 'Whacky Races' and I often went straight from the car to bed. However, I think dealing with it in work at 9am would have been a much more traumatic experience so in hindsight I probably lucked out a bit.

Today I am 20 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I go for my 20 week scan tomorrow where we will hopefully find out whether we're having a girl or a boy. I toyed with the idea of not finding out but to be honest I'm kidding myself, I definitely want to know. My husband is super excited to find out and also it just makes planning considerably easier. I'm a planner (understatement).

Talking of husbands, Ben has been phenomenal since the day we got the positive. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I would have done without him. He's been patient, and kind, and supportive, and attentive. He's just been unreal. I've read a lot of "My other half is just not interested in my pregnancy" which to me would be terrifying, but Ben has stepped up to the bar and has been to every single antenatal booking and nurse appointment from day 1. Yesterday he put money in my account to buy a load of maternity clothes because I was getting a bit self conscious at work. He has just been "there" for me 100% of the time. He's listened to me bitch and moan and he's put up with ridiculous moodswings over absolutely nothing and he hasn't once been fed up with me. That boy deserves a medal.

I'm really enjoying being pregnant. It has ups and downs and it's definitely not easy but I have a new found confidence that has come out of nowhere, and I'm really happy right now. Baby Herrington will be arriving in June 2017!


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