Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Becoming an Introvert

Your usual stalking can resume; I'M BACK! I always said that I would blog for as long as it felt like a hobby rather than homework, and it was getting to feel like a chore so I took a little break. Is 3 months a 'little break'? Either way it felt good. I'm not saying I'm now bursting with ideas (quite the contrary) but it feels like fun again.

Absolutely loads has happened in the past few months and most of it has been super positive. I got a new job which I'm still getting to grips with. It's the same company but a bit of a tougher set of responsibilities which after 2 years in my old role I was ready for. It's a lot more challenging than my previous role but will be good for me in the long run. The only problem is that I don't think that the fact I'm so introverted is at all helpful when joining a new team of lovely people.

Up until recently I would never have described myself as shy. I don't know if I am 'shy' in the conventional sense of the word. I love meeting new people and I don't find it difficult to make conversation with people at all. I don't feel nervous walking into a bar on my own. I don't get anxious if I have to eat my lunch alone in a cafe. I can talk to a room of people confidently without much effort at all. Why am I all of a sudden finding it so difficult to be myself in work?! I've always been a believer in the "Don't talk just to be heard" mantra. I find it difficult to be around people who are consistently loud. I find myself shrinking into the background more and more (and enjoying it there!) until eventually I'm left out of things. As the weeks and months have progressed its become clear that I need to find my manballs (soz feminists), and not sink into the familiar sensation of being constantly overwhelmed by tiny things. I think this essay is essentially written instruction to myself that I'm going to try to be a better me after the Christmas break. Sorry that you had to read it.

Work aside, things are amazing. The house makes me SO happy because it's finally exactly how I want it to be (clean and covered in Christmas shit from head to toe). This past 3 months has been a real awakening for me in terms of relationships (in a good way!). There are some people in the world who honestly and sincerely listen when you talk, and take time out to check on you, and I've found that invaluable over the past few months. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Life feels different but it feels good. I MISSED YA'LL. More blogposts on topics that nobody cares about on the way... xx


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